You want Answers ladies? Alright… I’ll see what i can do.
Your questions are very valid questions… I like your honesty, PLUS it’s dating/purity week at school, ergo, ”Tis the Season”.
Amanda - Love the blog! Well done!
My Response:
Q-1 - The term aloof, is probably in need of defintion - But from my understanding it means to be distant, seperate, etc. - You said “Uninterested”. Now, you’ll attract different guys with different tactics. May I tell a small story?
I used to work in apple orchard… No Lie. when I was 16 I started spending my falls, on ladders, and up in trees. I learned how to find the best apples, and I’m forever to this day spoiled because I hate apples from the market, they are tasteless, and i know they rippened in a box…not on the tree.
On most days we’d stop for a break and we’d all grab an apple - Now, what do you do when you’re in my shoes? You KNOW what a good apple looks like, where the best ones are found on the tree, and also visually appealling. I’ll tell you this… It doesn’t take much work for me to walk up to a tree, and grab an apple, thats sitting at head level… It’s still an apple - but do you know how much work it took for me to do that? Not much - But I usually never did that… I was the kid, walking around the tree, looking up at the top…and i would either climb up into the tree, and reach for an apple - But more often than not, i was grabbing a ladder, and moving it to the right position, climbing the tree, and grabbing the biggest and best apple i could find!
There’s 2 basic extremes for women… and two extremes of men… Women who keep themselves in the high places, waiting for a man who will really work, and put forth effort to pursue her heart… And there’s 2 kinds of men…The kind that will get up on a ladder…and know they deserve the best… and so they wait for it, and pursue it when it comes along. And women… You need to ask yourselves - What Kind of Apple am I? Am I really the apple at the top? Or am I one at the bottom? If you’re at the top… You’re gonna feel lonely sometimes… Either because you’re waiting… or because you’re quality… but you’re hiding… Which is something such as personal issues, that need to be addressed… Such as fear of comittment, trust issues, issues with vulnerability, or even simple things like your EQ level. All of THESE things, are things i have been agressive to go after in my own persoanl life, so that i can better become the kind of man, that’s capable of climbing that ladder to the top, and also the kind of man, that’s worth keeping… Not one that is simply putting on a show.
Q 2 - ? Not sure what it’s saying. It’s not even a full sentence.
Q 3 - People who crush on people, because of another persons vision/calling… Is kind of a red flag to me personally. Whether you like it or not, we’re pretty american in nature, and we hero-worship people, who are famous… Forgetting that they are simply people. It reveals more about what’s inside of us (“A need to feel attached to someone of great importance.”) It’s probably based on the fact that we don’t find that our lives are valuable so we seek anothers calling. Lets be really honest though, someone who moves and operates in their giftings, and call, is super attractive, it reveals a lot about that person. But i think we need to Keep in mind that, their value, and heart isn’t that thing. The question i ask myself is… If this person didn’t have this gifting, or stopped operating in it, or didn’t become famous, would i still love them!? I think when you can answer that… honestly, you’re on your way to rooting out “hero worship love”…
Q 4 - How early do you talk about vision? - When you’re ready, and you know they’re not gonna fall in love with you for it. i think i bethel - We talk about vision a lot, so it’s totally on the table more. But lets say you step into a new culture, and you share your vision - people will grab hold of you, seeking to find destiny. I usually wait until i figure out what’s inside of people before I will share with them. For guys, it’s harder, cause we end up meeting “Good Christian girls” who wanna “back you up” and just support you. So I have to be careful. I will typically only share visionary stuff with people who have a calling, or have destiny and identity on their minds constantly. If they are lost, they’re gonna be looking for someone with direction.
Cardinal sins…Good call… Cardinal sin #2 is indeed a tricky area! Learned this the hardway years ago. So i would never actually compliment girls… Problem was… I got into a relationship, and then I sucked at it! Cause it was so scary to me before hand… So I had to re-learn how to give compliments in a healthy way. But yea… Lets honest -Super easy for guys to get a girls heart… you drop a couple “You’re looking good today…” With the right “eyes” - and boom, she’s thinking about you for days… It’s easy honestly… And girls fall fast… because they are primarily words of affirmation… The thing is, as a guy, we have to learn how to use the weapons of love, so that they are protecting women, yet not neglecting them. And women - you need to know yourweaknesses, and put up walls… These are called boundaries! What are yours? We can talk about this next week maybe? ha.
My final comment is - in the same paragraph you wrote “don’t give compliments” and then said “men, affirm your sisters.” I would love to know the difference? Becase that’s very tricky territory.
The KINGDOM COMING TO EARTH IN RELATIONSHIPS
How to get the guy, and repell the creeps, but we want to be able to live life in such a way that you get the guy while repelling the creeps in the same way where you don’t react to what the devil is doing but you co-labor with what the Holy Spirit is doing.
Question One. Should we be acting aloof and uninterested?
-How to be a gazelle and not a cow. AKA Prance and be aloof, not graze and be aloof.
Question Two. The balance between having vision, being powerful, but
Question Three. - Is your vision a factor in the process of crushing?
Question Four - How early on in the friendship do you start talking about vision?
Cardinal Sin NUMBER ONE - DO NOT START RELATIONSHIP CONVERSATIONS OVER FACEBOOK.
Cardinal Sin NUMBER TWO - DO NOT COMPLIMENT AND GIRL IF YOU ARE NOT INTENDING ON PURSUING HER. (Unless brother/sisterhood has been established)
ATTENTION LADIES: STOP WITH THE COMPETITION.
ATTENTION BROTHERS: AFFIRM YOUR SISTERS. IT’S NEEDED.
We need brothers and fathers that give us positive affirmation so we don’t go look in the wrong places.
